I'm Jack Thompson. I'm a 60 year old virgin, I'm ugly as hell, I'm near sighted, I can't dress myself, and I play croquet. Extreme croquet. I'm an obnoxious lawyer who harrasses children via E-Mail, threatening them that I'm going to sue them. My grammar is pretty much on the same level as my social skills, and I have made it my life mission to ruin the lives of anyone involved in the video game industry, developers and consumers alike! You know why...? Because I'm a pathetic attention whore!
Even though I claim I'm a lawyer, I've never actually successfully represented a client. Hell, I don't even know what the interior of a court room even looks like. Possibly because I have shit all for sources and evidence. Hey! And when I do have a source, they promptly tell me to stop associating myself with them. Ha ha ha, David Walsh, you're such a kidder. Seriously though, I'm still going to keep using your statistics whether you like it or not. And you know why? Because I wear adult diapers, that's why! So HAH!
Anyway, it has come to my attention that Satanist video gaming children aslo enjoy the holiday of 'Halloween'. I took this as my chance to help control the population. I grabbed my trusty croquet mallet, and set out to remove these little bastards from the scene.
Ahah! My first victim! I'm not even going to ask questions, he's a video gamer for sure.
"Get back here, or I'll sue!"
Ah, sweet success. The video gamer has been snuffed out with only one hit of my trusty croquet mallet. That reminds me, I should get a little practice in...for the one pathetic sport I try to indulge in, I'm really fucking bad at it!
"You better stay dead, you infidellic video gamer! Or I'LL SUE!!"
What's this!? Someone was recording me the whole time!? Give me that camera, or I'll sue you too! And I'll sue the maker of the camera! And I'll sue any store that develops film! And I'll sue every store in existence to make sure! And then I'll sue their mothers! And then I'll sue the maker of this website for dressing nothng like me and making fun of my adult diapers! I can't control it, I'm fucking 60! My bladder has a mind of its own! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
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